Now that I’m back home I’m really feeling it. Physically, I’ve crashed. I’ve taken about 5 naps a day (unintentionally) and am having a hard time getting my body started to do any activity. I suppose the 90 degree heat with 90% humidity are helping my cause. These are symptoms of my MS that I fully expected and know will pass, but man is it a pain.
Emotionally, I am just sad. I miss those people so very much. Even though we spent the week calling each other only by a FD nickname the 13 other participants and 15 other staff, volunteers, and instructors got to know me more intimately than most people I’ve known my entire life. They are like family in a way. I trusted them with my mental, emotional, and physical well-being. I put my life in their hands and they took care of me.
Weighing more heavily on me is the feeling of possibility. I am not the same person that was before. But how will that translate at home? Someone said to me in conversation “transformation is the easy part. It’s what you do with it, how you apply it to your life in the year to come, that’s the challenge.”
Now that my heart and mind have opened up I can see how big the world really is and I can feel the power of possibilities. I’m not certain of much at this point, but what I do know is that I have goals – something I’d recently been struggling to find or acknowledge. I’m not sure how I’ll achieve those goals; the path is not clear. It’s scary and overwhelming, but I can take solace in the fact that, as long as I know where I want to go, I can make my way somehow. By trusting myself, accepting help, and holding on to hope I can find a way.
#firstdescents #tarkiomontana #msawareness